10 years free!

Please excuse my brevity here, but I'm typing on my iPhone from bed. I'm too excited to sleep but won't risk waking everybody up by tiptoeing out to the desk for my computer. Hubby and I are heading to Vegas in the morning! Justin Timberlake in LV? Yes please! Yay!

We have so much to celebrate! Hubby's birthday, the Holidays, and my test results. I got my annual results back and I'm once again cancer free. That makes it ten years. I'm finally starting to believe it isn't coming back. It's a great reminder of how special life is and why we need to do all we can to give our mere mortal bodies every best chance at longevity.

After a big thanksgiving feast and planned debauchery in Vegas this weekend, I'm starting a 7 day body blast on Monday. Detox a bit and get back in the right mindset.

Celebrating 10 cancer free years with the family they said I'd never be able to have. Yay!

Xo
Jenn




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Triggers & Habits

Sorry for the silence. Things at work have been so hectic! The last thing I want to do when I wrap up for the day is to get back online. That said though, I thought that makes this an even more important time to open up and do my usual brand of over-sharing. After all, my sole purpose for writing this blog is to help you... on the off chance that any of this does in fact help you. I had a call today with a colleague. When I asked how she was, she replied "Busy, just like everyone else." Good point. Every one of us can say that... especially as we approach the Holidays. Busyness mixed with a just a pinch of seasonal depression... then sprinkle in a dose of Holiday comfort food and you have yourself a recipe for disaster.

So, let's talk about habits for a minute. We all have them. Good and bad. We've talked a lot about building good habits with exercise and routine. It's easy to talk about in the summertime when the days seem to go on forever. Not so much this time of year. At least not for me. These past couple of weeks, I've found it harder and harder to get my 40 minutes in. Even 30. My new habit is to do a 10 minute workout with the kids in front of the TV after dinner. I've been doing it almost every day. They think it's fun and like to join in. I don't even think about it anymore... it's just part of the day. Today, I added in another 10 in the middle of the day. If I can do 2 at least 6 days a week, I'll be thrilled.

That brings me to the idea of triggers. I'm a stress eater... so I have had to work really hard to identify and pinpoint my triggers. Boredom. Stress. Lack of sleep. Feeling like I failed in some way... like missing workouts. All of those are triggers for me that kick in old bad habits. I'm trying to use those same triggers to my benefit. Now that I've proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that barre3 is my very next coping mechanism for stress, I'm trying to use it as a determining factor for when to do my mid-day workout. That moment when I feel frazzled... so much to do I don't know where to start... I'm stopping for 10 minutes, pressing play, and coming back at it a little more centered.

I'm going to build new habits associated with my triggers. One day at a time.

Body wisdom is a journey... and we're on it together!

Is the stress of season getting to you? I'd love to hear your best practices!

xo
Jenn

Duplicity. (The sleeping giant)

It's wild to me how sure I was that sugar would never even be tempting again. I could look at myself right in the eyes and say with total confidence that I was in full control.

This week, I learned that is not in fact the case. There is this entirely duplicitous alter ego in my mind just waiting to come out of hiding. This inner self-saboteur lurking just below the surface... always optimistic that an opportunity will come around again. Like a sleeping giant, it awakens and takes over. It becomes so big that it blocks out the sun and I forget what it was like to feel the warm glow on my face. I somehow forget what I'm capable of... even though I was totally capable of it just days before. So strange. So cruel.

I guess it's addiction.

In my naiveté, I have often asked myself why an alcoholic can't just have a glass of wine now and then. Like why does it have to be all drama and extremes?

Never having dealt with an addiction of my own, I truly just couldn't relate. I am a huge believer in mind-over-matter and have found it hard to imagine encountering a substance that I couldn't walk away from if I put my mind to it.

Well, guess what y'all.

I. Was. Wrong.

So, last week I thought to myself, I just had an awesome barre3 class in studio followed by a green smoothie for lunch. I can totally have one piece of Halloween candy, right? I mean, what's the big deal?

In hind sight I realize it had been months since I'd eaten refined sugar. Now I can say with no doubt that it's a trigger for me. A gateway drug of sorts. The minute I have sugar, I henceforth crave sugar. It's a doozy of a craving too. All consuming. So, later that day I thought, well, one more won't hurt. The next day, I had a piece after breakfast... lunch... dinner. It escalated pretty quickly. This morning when I woke up feeling horrible and wanting sugar and coffee, I knew. I can't just casually occasionally have sugar. It's gonna have to be all drama and extremes.

It makes me feel horrible, throws my blood sugar off, gives me peaks and crashes, messes with my moods, messes with my sleep, messes with my skin... and leads to more sugar cravings... which leads to more carb cravings... which leads to caffeine cravings.

It's wild.

I'm SOOOOOO done.

So, back to the backup plan of the original 28-to-Great round. I've got a bit of dark chocolate and some barre3 "barres" on hand to get me through my sugar cravings over the next couple of days.

Is there a 12-step program for candy?

Seriously. No sugar.

It's funny, when I had my food intolerance testing done, I FAILED refined sugar all the way. Just as badly as I failed gluten. I'm not sure why I decided that the sugar thing was optional while adhering to the gluten rules knowing that my life quite literally depended on it.

Duplicity. It's a thing.

I'm over it.

xo,
Jenn

Swamps.

Well, last week was a flop. I'm just being honest. Between pain week and Halloween candy, it was like trying to walk through the Fire Swamp without my Farm Boy. ROUSs at every turn. At first I was like, well I'm in pain but at least I can do my 10 minutes. Then I was like, oh just one piece of candy won't hurt.

Newsflash.

One piece of candy totally hurt. I hadn't craved sugar in months because I hadn't been eating it. One piece of candy a couple of days in a row and all of a sudden I was crazy for sugar all over again. I hit that old familiar rut of feeling like I'd blown the day anyway so what's the point of working out... all the negativity came flooding in.

I went from the Fire Swamp to the Swamps of Sadness in an instant.

So, I went 4 days without a workout.

Today, I'm recommitting. Sadie's email today was perfect. I'm done with sugar and ramping up to finish strong with 6 workouts this week. I did the 40 minute online Wisdom workout this morning. An oldie but a goodie. The core work is awesome. I feel better than I have in days.

Like anything, it's all about perspective, right? Even swamps have their moments...

xo,
Jenn

I'm not OK with just OK. (a pain week)

This week has been full of ups and downs where this challenge is concerned. I have some pretty gnarly endometriosis. That combined with my PCOS occasionally results in a perfect storm. I call it a pain week. This week has been one. Even my ND who always has a homeopathic solution just sent me home with some vicodin and recommended "taking it easy". Every time I go from sitting to standing, walk, or laugh, it feels like I'm being sawed in half. Good times.

The thing is, I'm on the fall challenge! While I feel that a pain week is an extenuating circumstance, I still have felt determined to keep it going. Yesterday it was first thing in the morning and today... just now. Just before midnight. I've been waiting for a moment when I don't hurt so much and getting up to do a 10 minute online workout. 10 minutes is NOT the 40 minutes I promised myself. A friend said "That's OK, at least you're doing it!" but all I heard her say was OK. I am not OK with just OK.

UGH!

It's been giving me the blues these past two days. I'm trying not to have a pity party. I know in another day or two I'll be feeling fine again... it's just so frustrating feeling limited when I'm motivated to do so much more.

I had signed up for a studio class tomorrow but just cancelled it. This evening was an especially bad pain night and I don't want to rock the boat. I rescheduled for Friday and dangit, I'm going to make it! Tomorrow I'll try at least a second 10 in the day. Maybe a 40. We'll see.

Sorry for this whiney post, but I didn't want you to think I'd forgotten about you or anything.

The good news is with all this extra sitting around, I've gotten another 5,000 words into my novel writing process. Silver lining!

I hope you're having a better week!

xo,
Jenn

Whatever works!

Today it was trashy TV. I'm on my period (sorry for the over-share!) and all I want to do is eat candy and lay on the couch in this precious window of time in which the twins are napping simultaneously. I have an episode of the Vampire Diaries on DVR. No, I'm not proud of my tweenage taste in TV, but I promised you honesty in this blog. Besides, don't knock it till you try it :)

Anyway, today I wouldn't let myself lay on the couch to watch my show until I did my workout. I spent a little quality time with Candace, and now I'm flat on my back with a heating pad on watching this amazing show and talking to you. Bliss!

I say, whatever works!

Another thing that works when motivation is nowhere to be found is my husband. I know that if I tell him I don't feel like working out he will call me a wuss without fail. I hate being called a wuss like Marty McFly hates being called a chicken. I press play immediately just to prove him wrong. Even though I know he's going to say it, it still works. Nowadays I'll put on workout gear and then waltz right up to him and whine "Baaaaabe, I don't wanna workout today." knowing that whatever he says next will be just the thing!

What are your tricks to get yourself moving when you're not feeling it? I'd love to hear them!

Will & Grace (Jenn 2.0)

No, not the show... but I loved that show. I mean, what a cast, right? So good.

This will is the one I'm known for as a bullheaded don't-tell-me-what-I-can-and-can't-do I'll-do-it-myself Taurus. Since I started my barre3 journey in January, my will has evolved through several iterations. In the beginning I'll admit it was a little flimsy.

Something along the lines of: "I will do this 28 day challenge. At least I think I will. I mean, I don't think I actually can, but I'm sure as hell about to find out."

After a month of 6 days a week, my will had upgraded to: "I will look way better in my dress for the Grammy Awards than I thought I would!"

After the Grammy's, it was more like: "I will eat cheesecake and drink wine as a reward for a month of kicking butt. I will totally start working out again... most likely."

By the time May rolled around: "I will lose these 7 lbs I gained back and then some."

By July?: "I will live this way for the rest of my life. I will show others that it can be done and hopefully bring some loved ones along for the ride."

That brings us to now. It's October. I'm totally bought in to the barre3 lifestyle and feel like I've passed the point of no return. My preferences have totally changed. I have gained body wisdom and learned that cheesecake makes me feel terrible and I much prefer a handful of trail mix with a nibble of dark chocolate to quell a sweet tooth. Sure there are times when I have a treat, but it's a decision that is made thoughtfully and not as a reward or a "cheat". Eating whole foods and being good to my body are part of who I am now. There are days when I don't want to get a workout in, but I know for absolute certain that I will feel much better if I do. I'm upgraded. Jenn 2.0.

So, now my will has evolved to get better at this practice. Sweet Candace has been making graceful movement look like child's play to me now for the better part of a year. In the beginning, I'd wobble and even stumble. Now I'm to the point where I can follow her, but I still don't come close to graceful. That's my new goal. To at least once in a while... sometimes... move with grace.

Funny story - my Mom used to call me Grace when I was a kid. It was her way of making fun of me because I was such a klutz. I fell down on the regular and have the scars to prove it. I tripped over my own feet, fell off of bikes and out of trees, walked into walls... you name it. Grace was an insult, if a loving one. Finally, I think just out of fear that I'd mortally injure myself, she signed me up for ballet. I turned in my basketball shoes for tights and a tutu for one school year. I never danced a recital, never became a beautiful dancer... but I did get a bit sturdier on my feet.

In my time with barre3, I've learned to believe a lot of new things. I believe that I'm capable of changing my body and one day reaching my goals. I believe in kale. I believe in spending money on really great yoga pants. I even believe that if I work hard, I might be capable of grace.

Like actual grace, not ironic grace.

Time will tell, but where there's a will... there's a way.

Today I did Ballet Boot Camp with Candace. Taking it one day at a time.

...and just because...

xo,
Jenn

Mixing it up.

Hi y'all!

You are looking fit and wonderful today ;)

So, today was so completely productive. I woke up crazy sore. Like, almost in a bad way. I had planned a morning 40 minute online vid with Candace, but decided to wait a bit to see what my body was going to do. My Mom and Grandma are both in town this weekend, so I invited them for brunch and made a healthy egg bake with tons of veggies and canadian bacon. Then we took a walk to the park to play in the perfect weather.

Here's my Grandma. 86 years young... giggling like a school girl and playing on the swings with my boys.

I know what you're thinking and yes. I hope to heck those genes pass down to me! She looks 70. Amazing. 

Anyway, when I got back I mowed the yard. 45 minutes later I was a sweaty mess. My muscle soreness felt better so I did a 10 minute vid when my friend Sarah came for a visit. We did it together which was great. This afternoon brought with it more yard work and lots of activity. This evening, I spent some time on the TreadClimber until I was sweating buckets. I feel like that should do it for today, right? 

I figure I probably got in a good 80 minutes of exercise all in all. I'm going to count it as a sticker. Tomorrow, Candace and I are on! 

I haven't been following the meal plan but I'm going to next week for sure. I keep seeing everyone posting yummy pictures. Can't wait to try some new recipes! 

Hope you're off to a great weekend! 

xo

Jenn

PS: I'm tagging along to church in the morning with Mom and Gma and trying to find an outfit that goes with my barre3 bracelet. I feel like it's bad luck to take it off! So La Bamba. 

Gonna make you sweat!

I'd like to begin this blog post by taking a moment to share an important informational film with you.

There now. Don't you feel better? I bet you did a few involuntary dance moves too which burned like 50 extra calories at least. 

So, to the point... today I did the hot new Interval Strength online workout that everyone is buzzing about. So fun! It's super hard and made me sweat a whole bunch. Definitely not one I could do without a shower afterward. It's a good one to break up too though if you need to control the sweating thing. 

It's a great buttkicker and it goes by quickly. Lots of cardio and some fun big movements. I just wish that the background music was some sort of amazing 90s dance music (see above). 

If you haven't tried the workout yet it's 40 minutes and TOTAL body. Check it out: http://www.barre3.com/videos/barre3-interval-strength/  You know you wanna! 

Well today is Friday and it was only my third day getting a workout in this week. I'm going to do 40 tomorrow and 60 on Sunday online, catch a class in studio on Monday (so I can put my stickers up on the board!!) and then take Tuesday off. 

How is week 1 going for you guys? 

xoxo,

Jenn

Thank me very much?

Hello friend!

I'm still reeling from the stress of the last couple of days. Today I had every excuse in the book all lined up of why I couldn't squeeze in a workout. I was on a conference call and just decided to click around the barre3 site to see if I saw a workout I thought I could manage in my wuss mode. I looked at the 10s and thought, well I could do one now... and then 3 more throughout the day. Knowing how unmotivated I was today though, I clicked right to the 40s. I promised myself at least 40 minutes a day 5 days a week in this challenge and dangit, I want to do it!

I looked down to inspect my outfit. Leggings and boots, dress shirt, cardi. Not workout gear. Then I saw the title of this one - "Barre3 on the Go" I hung up the phone and just hit play. I kicked off my boots and got to it.

I feel SO much better. When I don't keep my promises to myself, I feel like a loser... and then it's a downward spiral from there, right? Like, I missed my workout today so I might as well eat candy corn and try to be better tomorrow... all that. Now I feel energized and more importantly, I got a mood boost out of it. Pity party officially over.

In the last breath of the cool down, Lisa said "Thank yourself for taking this time today." It might be because I took a class with her Monday in studio, but I was pretty certain she was talking to me directly. I caught myself obediently saying "Thank me." out loud before I even processed it. I knew I needed it today... totally felt guilty for taking the time... but in truth, I really needed it. Thankful that I could be nice to myself today.

I hope you're giving yourself the time today too!

xoxo
Jenn

PS: Yesterday I snuck away for a few minutes to soak up a little vitamin D in the perfect fall sunshine. My talented friend Kamina Kapow caught it on camera.

Stress Mess

Ugh. You guys. It's been a crazy couple of days.

Realizing that this isn't a diary... I'll spare you all the details. Let's just say that between work and family matters, I'm a wreck. I feel so blessed to have a wonderful support system in my life.

That said, yesterday was a rest day. Today I got 10 minutes in, but I'm calling it a rest day as well. I did the 10 because I use barre3 as a stress management tool. During this challenge, I want to hold myself accountable to at least 40 minute workouts 5 days a week. That means tomorrow - Sunday are workout days for me. I'll report in!

I'm also a stress eater. I wish I were one of those people who can't eat when they are stressed. I'd be so skinny! Me? I reach for horrible things. I'm pretty proud of how I've kept that in check these past two days.

We can do this!

I hope you had a better day than I did. Here's to tomorrow being even better!

xo
Jenn

Pride and Penance

Though I can talk for hours about how barre3 has benefitted me so far, I think the best win has been getting my self-worth back. At some point in my weight gain spiral 7 years ago, I decided I deserved to get fat. I decided that I couldn't be thin. I decided I was incapable of self control. What's more, I held myself against prejudices I had about fat people. When I got to a certain weight, I started taking privileges away from myself. Like, you're too fat. You don't deserve nice shoes. You'll just ruin them with your fatness, Fatty. Fat girls don't get to get manicures. What's the point? A polished sausage still looks like a sausage. At one point, I even took shaving cream away from myself. Yes. I know that sounds totally nuts. I decided my legs were so big that it was wasteful to use nice shaving cream. I told myself that if I ever got back to a normal size, I could earn it back.

I've never told this to anyone.

I just feel like it's important to be transparent and put it all out there on the table.

This is me at my most uncomfortable:

Versus now:

Yes, that was more than 60 pounds ago... but it's not just the weight. It's the life I'm living. It's the way I'm treating myself. The self-talk. The things I believe to be true about myself and what I'm capable of.

I was letting that weight get in the way of everything. The ability to love and be loved. Success at work. My creative outlets. Everything.

Maybe not to the extreme that I was at.... I mean, looking back now I know that I was clinically depressed among other things. I think that all of us get hung up on it though, right? Like, oooh when I lose 10 lbs, I'm going to do ______. I used to say, when I get to my goal weight I'm going to start a new band. A very wise (and grumpy) old man told me a couple of years ago: "What does fat or thin have to do with singing?". I think that was a life changing moment for me. I realized he's exactly right and started the band right away. My weight was only holding me back because I had decided it had to.

Whether it's your weight or another goal, are you paying penance for something? Holding yourself hostage and punishing yourself because you haven't hit a certain measurable milestone? Pride is a weapon.

Knock it off.

You are worth happiness right now. I promise. We all are.

This summer, I bought myself a can of really fancy shaving cream. I didn't even realize I was still punishing myself until I walked down that row in Target and saw a whole world of products I never look at.

I'm also working on the gilt associated with food. There is something inside of me that still panics if I put anything "bad" in my mouth. Like one bite of cheese is going to undo all this work I've done and all the changes I've made. I now believe that I'm incapable of backsliding. I feel worthy of health and well being. I know that in my head, but I still feel the guilt sometimes. Keeping it in check is the key.

Thanks for reading this. I needed to vent and let go of these things. I truly hope that by sharing some of the skeletons deep in the darkness of my past that it has helped you in some way. If you're punishing yourself, even in the smallest of ways, just know that that's how it started for me. One thing, then another thing... that lead me down a path I could not find my way back from for a long time. You might feel like it's insignificant to have a cupcake and then pay for it by running. Just check in with yourself and make sure that your self-talk is respectful and deserving of how amazing and capable you are.

We deserve this. All of the beauty and all of the love. All of the balance. All of the time.

xoxo,
Jenn

Fall Challenge Kick Off!

Hello!

A new challenge, a new theme. I saw this picture and thought it represented this challenge so perfectly that I had to use it.

It reminds me of a quote I love. "Success is a staircase, not a doorway." Truer words were never spoken. This next 4 weeks will be another flight of stairs for us. I'd like to think it will be a pretty flight of stairs on a hiking trail in the woods on a perfectly crisp fall day. The kind of flight I don't even mind taking because I'm so excited to see where it leads. Aren't you? 

I spent my summer devoted to barre3. I also lived life and did a lot of traveling and just participated in general summer shenanigans. Still, I'd say I was following the 80/20 rule. I ate whole foods and got my workouts in 80% of the time. I'm down 20 lbs since June with just 30 or so left to go. Just about 5 lbs a month which my Doctor tells me is wonderful. Of course I'd like to look like a supermodel overnight, but for me, this journey has been about building sustainable habits and a better way of life. Slowly and surely. I'm watching my little number shrink. 

My summer was a flight of stairs. I'm on the landing and stepping on to the next flight. Too many stair analogies? I can never tell. Anyway, you get what I'm saying. 

Usually when I'm about to start a "diet", I pig out a little the day (or a couple of days) before. This time I realized I had never really come off the diet... because it's not a diet... it's just how I eat now because I prefer to. Still though, feeling like I should have a last hurrah because it's what I've always done, I made pancakes for breakfast. They were GF and we used real maple syrup... so no huge stretch there... but I did have a big glass of POG. That was the cheat. I never drink straight fruit juice. SO sweet! I totally didn't like it. After breakfast, I helped myself to like 5 mini candy bars from the Halloween stash. By noon I felt completely dreadful. It's been so long since I've had that much sugar. My body revolted. 

For dinner I made spaghetti and meat sauce... with spaghetti squash as noodles because that's just what spaghetti is now. My kids think it's the norm, so it's the norm. Ground turkey in the sauce. All healthy and yummy, save the big handful of cheese I threw in to make it nice and creamy. We had a salad and water. Realizing I had failed at "cheating", I had a nice big slice of this amazing soufflé from Papa Haydn. Again though, I think because I ate candy all day, I felt horrible. 

We went to a wedding the day before out at Edgefield. I had a few glasses of wine to get that out of my system. I felt guilty though. One glass now and then is one thing, but 3 just messes with everything. I took a break for a little carousel horse under a tree... careful not to spill my wine of course. 

In summary, I'm happy to begin the challenge today. I feel like I need a detox after yesterday! I have a total junk food hangover. 

I got a couple of new workout shirts which I think will motivate me to get to class. I'm pretty sure an angel loses it's wings every time you buy something cute and then leave it in a drawer. 

Truth be told, I don't feel like going to class today. I'm going anyway though. I have a noon with Lisa in Lake Oswego. A foundations to kick it all off. I'm most excited to put my sticker on the board. I  plan to take at least one class a week in-studio (yes, just so I can get stickers... my inner child is a total teacher's pet) and the rest online. 

What are your plans for the challenge? 

Here we go! 

xoxo, 

Jenn

PS: A few more pics from our super fun fall weekend: 

My bestie at I in the haunted forest at the Pumpkin Patch

Easton on a wagon ride

Xander on a wagon ride

My boys

Hubby & I

Corn Maze

Scarrrrrry

The Fam

Food feelings.

So, in my last post, I talked about what I've learned about food... And what I do about food. The logistics. Reading back though, I don't want to leave some impression like I think I'm little miss know-it-all now or like its not still a daily concerted effort for me. I'm not craving bad things and I prefer good things... But it's not always that simple.
Those that know me know I love to cook. I published my first cookbook in 2011! I think I fell in love with cooking because its one of the ways I show affection. I work long and hard on a recipe and then grin from ear to ear while my loved ones eat it. I still feel that way about food. That's one thing.
Another thing is that I'm not a bachelorette. I have picky twin toddlers who have inherited my gluten intolerance and a husband who has no known food allergies but hates things like raw tomatoes. It's a tough crowd. With GF toddlers, I was spending upwards of $140 dollars a month just on bread for them. Early this summer, I bought a bread machine and got to work trying to perfect a recipe that would please all and not cut so deeply into mommy's shoe fund.
I finished this loaf tonight:




To me, it's like art. A labor of love. Smelling the fresh bread, the twins were begging for toast. That made my night. I love it when they love something I worked so hard on.
Anyway, my point is, while its great that I now know so much more about food and what works and doesn't work for my body, I still FEEL about food. That can be a complication... So again, it's all about planning. I thought I'd allow myself a thin slice of bread. I made toast for the boys and obligingly cut the crusts off. I nibbled on the discarded crusts and then sort of checked in with myself. That hit the spot for me, so I didn't end up having a slice. Just taking pause rather than eating without thinking is my new and best survival skill.
Then I grabbed a few celery stalks as a snack and sat down to watch SYTYCD with my little dudes. They love to dance! Xander asked for a bite of my snack.




Here he is sort of zoned out chomping on veggies in between dance moves. I was so happy to see this! Now that they see me with veggies all the time, they're taking risks and finding that they like the occasional "mommy snack". How cool is that?
So with lots of us in the house... There are lots of different foods in the house. The temptations are there for sure. I think I had become one of those people who eat their feelings. When I was sad, stressed, angry, bored... I'd eat. It was somehow comforting to me. Food was also a reward for most everything. Yay! I got a promotion! Lets have cake! Wow, I worked out! I deserve Skittles... Now, if I want something, I stop to think about why. Am I actually hungry? Is there something going on with me I need to address or is it just that it smells like fresh bread and I want in on it?
For me, breaking habits around my relationship with food has been the most impactful. That mixed with a solid 8 weeks of pushing the bad out was just the combination of choices I needed to create change.
I don't feel the need to deprive myself... Especially when I'm not feeling guilt about food. Getting my emotional connection to food in order was hard, but necessary. Not to make excuses, but I just think that food dependencies are some of the hardest to get a handle on. If you're addicted to a substance, you can try to quit cold turkey. You can't quit eating food... There is no spa-like celebrity rehab center for food addicts. I think we all have our own demons to face. That said, I hope this post helps give you encouragement if you need it.
Xo
Jenn

Sorry for typos!
Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Love what's good for you (the one about food).

A couple of friends have asked me to talk about food. I know it's been awhile since I brought it up. I guess it just isn't taking up much thought these days. Here's the skinny: 

This isn't rocket surgery. At the risk of over-simplification, I'll give you the secret. Your body is a machine. Depending on what you eat, your body will reset it's chemistry to compensate. Hence the cliché "you are what you eat". The systems in your body are lazy at heart, so when you change your diet, rather than magically resetting your chemical balance, it tries to coax you into eating what it's used to so it can rest on it's haunches. Get it? So, what happens is, your body craves what it's used to. Eat sugar? Ever try avoiding for a couple of days? Yeah. You get what I'm saying. 

So, the trick is, quell the cravings. The reason that dieting doesn't work is that it's non-commital. You're half-assing the idea of change and throwing your body for a loop. Temporary change does not equate to longterm success. It just doesn't. If you are successful in losing some weight on a diet, statists show (like me) you will most likely gain it back when you go back to the lifestyle that made you heavier to begin with. 1+1 still = 2, you know? Gaining weight back after a diet is the WORST thing. You torture yourself and fight craving after craving... for what? Nothing. Yeah. No thanks. 

The easiest way to get healthy is to... well...  make it easy on yourself. To get rid of cravings, you need to commit. Get through the hard part. I've read and heard all kinds of statistics around how long it takes to detox or reset your cravings. I think it's different for everybody. For me, it took a month. (28 to great, anyone??). After 4 weeks of eating whole foods, I wasn't craving anything other than whole foods. The cravings were gone, but my preferences were still the same... meaning, I ate kale because I knew I should, but I would have preferred mac & cheese. That's the danger zone. That is why I failed and fell back into old habits after 28 days. My body was just waiting for me to slip up... jerk.  

When I got back on the wagon and decided to fully commit, I knew I couldn't give up right when I was on a roll. Miraculously, after two months, my preferences changed. Not only were cravings for bad foods gone, but I was literally craving kale salad and green tea. 8 weeks was enough time for my lazy self-saboteur body to get with the program and reset. Ever since then, it's been easy. I'm not on a diet. I just live a healthy lifestyle. I eat what I love... and I love what's good for me. 

Sadie Lincoln talks a lot about gaining body wisdom. For me, that wasn't possible until after the 8 weeks as far as food is concerned. Now, I can objectively have a little cheese and just see. I found that I don't love how it makes me feel. It's super easy to tell what serves me and what doesn't when I'm eating clean. I feel like I can maintain this way of being for life. That is the key to success. Something sustainable. Something you'll enjoy! 

So, what DO I eat? 

Whole foods! It's pretty simple really. If it came off the plant that way, it's a whole food. If it's in a package, it probably isn't... but there are things like corn tortillas, salsa, hummus, guac... that are. 5 ingredients is a good number to cut it off at. The big key is balancing your portions. Here's a cheat sheet. I have healthy fat in every meal too. It keeps me satisfied. 

Breakfast:

I still use a lot of the Barre3 recipes as a go-to. Most mornings, I have the Barre3 Muesli. If I get to have breakfast first thing, I love it. I've learned now that I don't feel as good if I eat grains later in the day, so if I have an early class or a meeting at work, I might just grab a Lara Bar and then have scrambled eggs with chicken sausage and avocado at lunchtime. I love breakfast food, so that's always a priority in my day.  

Lunch: 

I love kale salad along with protein. I've been picking up rotisserie chickens from New Seasons once a week or so and just picking off of them for a few days. It's my new definition of fast food. 

Dinner: 

I like to get my husband to BBQ something. He's a grill master, so there is no wrong answer. I love flank steak with grilled veggie kabobs. Trader Joes has some premade ones with onion, pepper, zucchini, and mushrooms. Yum! 

Snack:

A snack for me might be marcona almonds, goat cheese, and cucumber slices... something like that. A Kind Bar on the go. Apple slices with peanut butter... 

Dessert: 

Yes. My excuse for pigging out on sweets was always "If I die tomorrow, I'm going to kick myself for not eating that _____." I still fundamentally believe in indulging now and then in moderation. As for sweets, I recommend being realistic and planning ahead. If you have bad-for-you sweets in the house and no good-for-you sweets, you're walking into a bear trap. Even though my heinous cravings are gone, something sweet is still necessary from time to time! I keep dark chocolate almonds on hand. Coconut bliss ice cream (non-dairy and agave sweetened) is a favorite in our house. Even fizzy water with lime does the trick sometimes! Tea with local honey or agave. Just have a plan! 

What DON'T I eat? 

Sugar. I cook with maple syrup or agave and put coconut sugar in my coffee. I still love sweets, but I don't feel like the craving controls me anymore. Yay! 

Gluten.  

Chemicals. Period. Nothing I can't pronounce. Nothing "diet" or "sugar-free". 

What do I eat ONCE IN A WHILE? 

Coffee... I still drink coffee, but certainly less of it. My deal with myself is coffee before 10 am if at all. Tea any other time. I'm down to 2 or 3 cups a week at most. From a body wisdom perspective, I don't love how it makes me feel. 

Dairy... once in a while Gorgonzola just makes the recipe... or a little feta on taco night. I like to use whole milk plain yogurt in place of sour cream. Great on lentil soup! In small doses, now and then. 

Wine. Just now and then. On average, I have a glass every couple of weeks. 

Going Out: 

Restaurants are not created equally. Salads are usually a universally safe bet. Ask lots of questions! A lot of restaurants these days have their menus online. I like to peek ahead to make sure there is a good option. 

Plan your indulgences. If you're going to splurge, make it the best you can! Last night, I knew I was going out to eat with my bestie. I got to pick the place, so I chose my favorite restaurant, Meriwether's in Portland. It's farm-to-table, so most everything on the menu is fair game. We split this: 

Isn't it beautiful? Summer squash risotto with parmesan and a balsamic reduction. I started with a kale salad and some yummy aps including stuffed dates and crab deviled eggs. I even treated myself to some bubbly! All went into my Myfitnesspal ap and fell within my goal for the day. 

Other tips: 

Keep track! One dark chocolate almond can turn into 5 pretty fast if I'm not paying attention. I am loving using Myfitnesspal.com to track my day. It keeps me accountable and makes me really think about my choices. Usually with sweets, start with a bite or two and see how you feel. For me, that is almost always enough. 

You will be surprised how easy it is to eat well when you get into the swing of it. 

Already doing it? I would love to hear what's working for you! 

Other questions about food? Ask away! 

xo

Jenn

My kale salad recipe: 

I like to make this in double batches. It's even better the next day! 

1 bunch kale

a sea salt grinder

1/4 C diced red onion 

1/3 C golden raisins 

3/4 C diced apple (about a half an apple)

1/3 raw sunflower seeds - toast them fresh in a little bit of EVOO and add them in warm!

1/4 C extra virgin olive oil

2 Tbs unfiltered apple cider vinegar

1/3 C goat cheese crumbles 

edible flowers for garnish - I like pansies! 

This recipe is all about the method. Wash your kale, shaking off the water, leaving it just a bit damp. Then de-stem and chop into big bite size pieces. Put it all into a large bowl and grind up about a tsp of sea salt on top. (For an extra touch, use edible flower sea salt (Trader Joe's has it seasonally). Massage the salt into the kale for about 2 minutes. This helps soften the kale and get it ready to soak in all the flavor to come! 

In a smal saute pan, start heating your raw sunflower seeds in just a splash if EVOO. Stir occasionally until toasted. 

Meanwhile, add in your onion, raisins, and apple. Stir. Add your Olive Oil and Cider Vinegar and massage in for about 2 minutes until kale is evenly saturated. 

When your seeds are nice and toasty, add them on top while still warm and stir in. 

Stir in your goat cheese crumbles and garnish with pansies. 

Serve right away or refrigerate. This lasts in the fridge for a few days and just gets better! 

At least plan bee has a great soundtrack.

Sometimes listening to my body is the hardest part.

Last night I went to see one of my all time favorite bands. Pinback. They were so good - as always. The venue was small and the sound was great. It's a best case scenario.

The one bummer, that right knee that I tweaked in class yesterday was just getting worse. I felt a little bit like an old lady standing in the crowd. I decided to cancel my class today. I was so looking forward to it. Foundations with Heidi would have been great... but alas, I have to listen to my body. It's really annoying to face the fact that I'm not totally invincible.

So plan B, or bee as it were... I'm elevating and sipping on anti-inflammation tea with a little local honey to quell the sniffles, and listening to Pinback. I'm planning on doing 10 minute videos throughout the day.

PS: If you haven't heard Pinback, you're totally missing out. Here are some of my favs:

Proceed to Memory

True North

Loro

Good to Sea

Fortress

Leading (myself) by example.

Did anyone go to Barre3 in the park last Sunday? It was about the coolest thing ever. 300 + people, many new to Barre3, getting their 'quakes' on in the sun. More on the Barre3 Blog if you missed it. Here's a rad aerial shot:

I'll give you a dollar if you can find me. :) 

Anyway, something Sadie said during that workout really stuck with me. To paraphrase, she talked about the inevitability of her growing up with a love of fitness because of watching her Mom. Her Mom had done daily yoga practice in her bedroom and had lived a fit lifestyle. 

I would love for my boys to grow up not really knowing a life without fitness. More so, wellness. They see me doing my b3 videos all the time now, and at the age of just 2, it's plausible that they won't ever remember the old version of me. It makes me so excited to think that just by my example, they might grow up with a healthy appreciation for their own bodies. They might live longer lives all because of the changes that I am making right now. They might grow up to be Sadie Lincolns. 

As wonderful as that idea is... and it truly is wonderful... there are still days when I waver, you know? Days when I wake up and I'm just not feelin' it. Today I woke up and felt a little under the weather. My first reaction was, well, I guess I won't go to my 10:00 class. Deciding to suck it up, I went to get dressed in to my workout clothes, reaching for my favorite top. I figured, it's impossible to be grumpy in hot pink, right? I had it halfway over my head before I realized that the dryer had eaten one of the straps and ruined it. Well, (said my inner monologue) I guess I can't go now. Jumping that mental hurdle, I put on a sub par top and went anyway. On the days I really just don't want to (which are few and far between lately) I look forward to that feeling of accomplishment at the end. That got me out the door and in the car. In class, I tweaked my knee somehow. Instead of leaving feeling proud of myself, I gingerly hobbled out on a bum knee worrying about the rest of my day. The upside, my legs are so much stronger now that it is pretty easy to just shift my weight and keep going. 

As I sit here typing (knee icing and elevated) I know I'll make it to class tomorrow. You know how I know? Because I've done it before. I modify around a sore knee and usually feel better afterward. Now that I've been doing Barre3 steadily for some months, I can look back and see progress. I can see myself getting stronger. Taking better care of my body. Gaining body wisdom. As much as I want to be a great example for my family, I think the secret to that success is becoming a great example for myself first. 

Even as I had thoughts of doubt this morning, I knew I'd go... because past behavior is the best predictor of future success. 

Proving to myself that I'm capable of change is my biggest accomplishment in this life. I can't wait to see where this road leads. 

xo

Jenn

Everything is a barre.

Luckily, everything is a barre. Tonight, my hubby was feeling ill so I took the twins on a tour de playgrounds around the neighborhood. I did 10 minutes at the preschool with this platform:



It was the perfect height for the NYC workout. I got a strange look from another Mom, but then took the opportunity to tell her all about b3, show her a video on my phone, and let her try it with me. Then the boys and I headed up to the elementary school for some extra cardio on the big play structure.

I used a plastic rock wall for support during a stretch series and the twins tried to copy me. We made a game of it. Whatever works, right?

Hope you're enjoying your weekend!

Xo

Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Ouch... and my love/hate relationship with the scale.

Oh my gosh you guys. I was SO sore this morning. Holy canole! Seriously, I woke up at like 3 am to go to the restroom and almost couldn't get out of bed. Wild!

Loads of stretching today and a stroll with the family this evening did the trick. Check out this picture from our sunset walk:

The smoke from all the wildfires is doing craycray things to the sky. It's surreal. My heart goes out to all effected by the fires. I'm praying for a little rain to help out the fire fighters.

So - I've been using Myfitnesspal.com to track my progress this past week or so. It's pretty great. If you haven't tried it, check it out. It's free. You log your food and activity each day. It also tracks your weight and water intake... all kinds of stuff. For a long time, I wasn't weighing myself everyday because my weight fluctuates SO much that it can be really demotivating. Then my friend Robyn gave me another perspective. She weighs herself every morning. She says she knows if she doesn't want to, she did something she knows she shouldn't. It's her way of keeping herself accountable to... well... herself. I loved that. I'm not a baby. I can handle a day when I'm inexplicably 3 pounds heavier. Using Myfitness pal, I can watch my little graph over time and at least see that I'm trending down. Here's my graph for this week:

Slowly, that line is gonna go down. 

Somehow, this graph makes it all seem more clinical and less emotional. Another fun side effect of weighing daily is the feeling of pride I get on the mornings I have nothing to fear. Then even when I'm up a little, I know it's not a trend. 

To each their own, but this is my new favorite thing. I can't wait to see my graph a month from now. 

xo

Jenn

Overdoing it.

Ok, total amateur hour over here. I have unlimited classes this month so instead of going to the studio once or twice a week, I thought... might as well make the most of this month, right? Yeah. So. I had my 4th studio class in a row today and struggled through it. My muscles were failing right and left, especially core. 3 in a row is my max.

There isn't enough epsom salt in the free world to help me now! I think my only hope is to keep moving until bedtime and then do a lot of stretching along with a big girl dose of Advil.

I'm still totally proud of myself... but yeah. One of the main goals of Barre3 is to gain body wisdom. I have learned where the threshold is, so I've got that going for me.

Hope you're having a great day!

xo
Jenn

I've cracked the code!

Hi friends,

Good news - I've cracked the code. I struggled and beat myself up for weeks after I backslide post 28 to Great. 28 days was just enough to rid me of sugar cravings and let me see and FEEL results. Sadly though, it wasn't long enough to change my preferences or my core belief system.

I'll tell you what though, 7 weeks. That's enough. Maybe 8. Since I got back on the proverbial wagon in April, I've been keeping up with my online workouts... ish... and eating healthy-ish. I hadn't put on anymore weight, but I hadn't lost the handful of pounds I'd gained back either. I decided that I needed to do something more structured again. I totally loved 28 to great, so I just used that model. I followed the portion Rx from the Barre3 blog and committed to working out at least 10 minutes a day, 6 days a week. (Sorry I haven't been blogging through it! I am working on a novel and only have so much time to write anything with the twins!)

This time, when I got near the month mark, I knew I wasn't ready to "quit". I'd been following all the food rules, but at that point, I would have rather still had cake than kale... coffee than tea... bread than protein... I was making good choices because I had committed to, but not because I wanted to. The thing is, I can't let there be an end date.

In week 4, I finally faced my fear of the awkwardness of group fitness and went to a class in studio for the first time. All my fears were realized. I was the chubbiest girl in class. I got weirdly sweaty when everyone else looked cool. I tripped over my own feet. All of it. You know what though? It was fine. No one cared. I confessed that it was my first class and got tons of support and even complimented by a skinny little Lululemon model-looking 20something. It turns out, just like everything else in life, the anticipation is always worse than the thing itself. After that, I was going to class twice a week and working out online the other 4 days. The workout in studio is my new favorite thing. Even though it's way harder than working out at home, it's also so much more grounding and centering. At home, I'm distracted by the dirty floor or the phone... the kids... whatever. In class I just focus. It's a beautiful thing.

Anyway, I digress...

So, now I'm about 9 weeks in to it. I've lost the weight I gained back and I feel awesome. I still have 35 to go. The miracle is, now I KNOW I can get there. Somewhere around the 7 week mark, my preferences changed. I genuinely prefer tea to coffee and kale salad to mac and cheese. 28 days wasn't long enough to create a fundamental change in me. 7 weeks... that was enough. I went to a wedding last weekend and set down a 1/2 full glass of wine in favor of water. I preferred it. Today at class (I'm going to 5 this week), I looked around at all the perfect bodies and realized for the first time that they are no different from me. They just figured it out sooner... that's all.

I'm excited to see where another 8 weeks will take me.

I know I'm sort of rambling now so I'll conclude by just encouraging you not to give up. Whatever your goal is, I want you to know that it's possible. I believe that completely.

If you don't believe me, follow the Barre3 rules for 7 or 8 weeks and then let's talk.

xoxox
Jenn

Back on the wagon.

28 to great was awesome. I had great results, but more than anything, I just felt really good. Like all my cylinders were firing, you know? I was proud of myself for sticking with it.

So then life kind of happened. I went to LA, came home, bought a house, lost the loan, got a new loan, took a couple of business trips, threw a birthday party for the twins, went to see my lovely Grandmother for a long weekend... and that was just March! So in a nutshell, however valid... I had a month of great excuses why not to take care of myself. I always say - well, not always, just ever since being pregnant with twins - but since then I always say that I can handle anything with an end date. Maybe that's the problem. The 28 to great challenge had an end date. So, I ended it... Then spent 40 days undoing a good part of the work I'd done. Let's call it 40 to flab, shall we? I have only gained a couple of pounds... and I don't see it. It's more about the way I feel. Not sleeping as well, skin is blotchy again... and I feel a little bit ashamed of myself. It's like now that I know that I'm capable of being really healthy, choosing not to feels more deliberate and destructive. I'm a little embarrassed to have sort of relapsed. Especially because Barre3 is so excuse-proof.

So, I'm back on the wagon. I've been doing some 10 minute workouts this past few days and it hurts. I feel like I'm starting all over again. Today I did the new Standing Slim II. It also hurt, but I got to feel that sense of pride afterward. I am going to focus on that feeling. It's my favorite.

Plus I read some quote the other day that went something like:

Food is the most over-utilized anti-anxiety tool in America. Exercise is the most underutilized.

Something like that. I need a little help in the endorphin department, so I'm holding on to that too.

So, I'm not doing 28 to great. I'm not putting an end date on it or a special meal plan with special recipes. Just going to be smart about what I eat and do at least 10 minutes of Barre3 6 days a week.

We can talk about it here. You in?

xo
Jenn

Raise the roof.

What a wild week or two! Whew!

We made an offer on a house on Saturday that was accepted Sunday. If you're thinking that seems sudden, you are correct. We got a pre-approval from our lender and just thought we'd take our sweet time looking at houses and narrowing it down. Little did we know that homes in Southwest Portland are all but a myth in our price range. After seeing a lot of yucky ones, we found a great one just a couple of blocks from a fabulous elementary school. We're now in the home inspection period which is totally stressful. As per usual lately, I'm sick so have been trying to keep a handle on my stress level to give my immune system a fighting chance. Now we learn that the house needs a new roof, so we'll see what that means to us in the next couple of days. I'm crossing my fingers that the deal is a go. Time will tell!

Ain't it cute?:

After pigging out a bit during Grammy weekend and then coming home and not getting right back on the workout wagon, I was pretty sure I had backtracked. Not the case. I've been squeezing in a 10 minute Barre3 workout here and there (today I did 3 of them!) and eating well... and continuing to drop weight! I'm down another pound and a half from when the challenge ended. 22.5 more to go! I may or may not make it by the end of April, but I'll be close for sure. It just seems like my metabolism is working which is a very alien feeling for me. I like it. Seeing that I'm still moving in the right direction has re-motivated me to keep on keeping on.

I love that I can do Barre3 when I'm sick. I don't get my heart rate revving so much that I have a coughing fit.

How are you doing?

xo
Jenn

All about Grammy weekend!

What a weekend!

We got in to town on Saturday morning and went to breakfast with our friends... including mimosas. After over a month with no wine, it was a fun way to start the day. Then we headed downtown to pick up our Grammy tickets. This year, the security was super tight. We had to find this super mysterious parking garage after proving to a series of different parking security guys who we were. It felt like trying to find an underground rave in the 90s. Like, go to the 7-11 and hand the clerk a hard boiled egg. He'll give you the password... etc.  Once we got inside, there was a line guarded by some very serious security folks who said things like "NOT ANOTHER STEP!". It all felt a little over the top. There are a lot of factors... one, that the tickets have to go to the purchaser and not be resold - two, that all of Los Angeles is on high alert as the police feverishly continue the manhunt for a cop killer. With so many police around this event, I don't think they were willing to take any chances. It was a very surreal time to be in LA. If you haven't heard about the situation, here is the story.

After we picked up our tickets, we headed to the fashion district so the boys could pick up some last minute accessories for their Tuxes. Then to dinner and then out to our favorite old haunt from the years we lived in Playa del Rey for some good old fashioned dive bar shenanigans. Surrounded by dear friends and wonderful memories, it was easy to forget why we ever moved away. We made it an early(ish) night though. Eric and I had only squeezed in a few hours of sleep before our early flight and we had a big day ahead of us!

Sunday morning (Grammy day!), Jessie and I hit the road at 8 am to head to our hair and makeup appointment in Orange County. Selena Lopez at the Victor Paul salon was AMAZING to work with. She styles celebrities and made me feel like a princess. She's a miracle worker!

Here are some pics:

 The lashes were my absolute favorite. SO outrageous!

Then of course I told you all about the dress fiasco. I sent the two dresses back before I left Portland. Rent the Runway over-nighted me two more options to the B&B in LA... and I packed my backup dress. Well, the two dresses came Saturday afternoon and neither was perfect. I loved one, but it was a little too short to wear with the shoes. The other was too small, but looked fabulous on miss Jessie. I wore my off-the-rack Calvin Klein which I actually ended up loving. Tragedy averted :)

 Don't the guys clean up nice? Woo hoo! 

We made our way downtown Sunday in plenty of time for the telecast which began at 5 PST. We thought it would be funny to get a drink at Hooters on our way. Just us in our fancy pants and a bar full of frat boys. Good times.

Then we made our way over to the Staples Center:

I had the option of purchasing 2 really good tickets or 4 tickets at the very top of the room. We wanted our friends to be there with us, so we were happy to sit anywhere. Once we got seated, we realized just how far away we were. Still though, we were enjoying watching the hustle and bustle of what it takes to put on a live show of that magnitude. So, as fate would have it, our friend Josh knows a gal that knows a guy that works at the Staples Center. He sent a text that said "meet me on the main concourse at the first commercial break." I walked/jogged as fast as my 4" heels would carry me ( which wasn't too shabby thanks to Barre3!!) and was delighted to find that he had secured us seats in the premier section. We went from the nosebleeds to the golden ticket section!

From there, we could see everything! I could see all the celebs interacting... like how sweet John Mayer is to Katy Perry when no cameras are rolling... or how Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman were head banging to Jack White when the rest of the front row were sitting still as statues. How Taylor Swift and Johnny Depp would stop to talk to every single fan. Ellen's awesome dance moves in the aisles... all kinds of great little moments. We could also see behind the scenes as they were setting up the next acts. I was giddy the entire time. 

Afterwards, we went out for drinks still all dressed up - and then quickly changed our minds. We headed back to the beach, changed into yoga pants and jeans and went out to sing some karaoke. 

The night will be one for the highlight reel for sure. I'll never forget it. 

Monday we went for a long walk through the marina and soaked up the sun before getting back to reality and coming home to our precious little ones. 

I ate terribly for the most part, so am looking forward to getting back to the challenge this week! Today I did just ok. Tomorrow I'll be back on track. The first day of the rest of my life, right? 

xo 

Jenn