Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Food feelings.

So, in my last post, I talked about what I've learned about food... And what I do about food. The logistics. Reading back though, I don't want to leave some impression like I think I'm little miss know-it-all now or like its not still a daily concerted effort for me. I'm not craving bad things and I prefer good things... But it's not always that simple.
Those that know me know I love to cook. I published my first cookbook in 2011! I think I fell in love with cooking because its one of the ways I show affection. I work long and hard on a recipe and then grin from ear to ear while my loved ones eat it. I still feel that way about food. That's one thing.
Another thing is that I'm not a bachelorette. I have picky twin toddlers who have inherited my gluten intolerance and a husband who has no known food allergies but hates things like raw tomatoes. It's a tough crowd. With GF toddlers, I was spending upwards of $140 dollars a month just on bread for them. Early this summer, I bought a bread machine and got to work trying to perfect a recipe that would please all and not cut so deeply into mommy's shoe fund.
I finished this loaf tonight:

To me, it's like art. A labor of love. Smelling the fresh bread, the twins were begging for toast. That made my night. I love it when they love something I worked so hard on.
Anyway, my point is, while its great that I now know so much more about food and what works and doesn't work for my body, I still FEEL about food. That can be a complication... So again, it's all about planning. I thought I'd allow myself a thin slice of bread. I made toast for the boys and obligingly cut the crusts off. I nibbled on the discarded crusts and then sort of checked in with myself. That hit the spot for me, so I didn't end up having a slice. Just taking pause rather than eating without thinking is my new and best survival skill.
Then I grabbed a few celery stalks as a snack and sat down to watch SYTYCD with my little dudes. They love to dance! Xander asked for a bite of my snack.

Here he is sort of zoned out chomping on veggies in between dance moves. I was so happy to see this! Now that they see me with veggies all the time, they're taking risks and finding that they like the occasional "mommy snack". How cool is that?
So with lots of us in the house... There are lots of different foods in the house. The temptations are there for sure. I think I had become one of those people who eat their feelings. When I was sad, stressed, angry, bored... I'd eat. It was somehow comforting to me. Food was also a reward for most everything. Yay! I got a promotion! Lets have cake! Wow, I worked out! I deserve Skittles... Now, if I want something, I stop to think about why. Am I actually hungry? Is there something going on with me I need to address or is it just that it smells like fresh bread and I want in on it?
For me, breaking habits around my relationship with food has been the most impactful. That mixed with a solid 8 weeks of pushing the bad out was just the combination of choices I needed to create change.
I don't feel the need to deprive myself... Especially when I'm not feeling guilt about food. Getting my emotional connection to food in order was hard, but necessary. Not to make excuses, but I just think that food dependencies are some of the hardest to get a handle on. If you're addicted to a substance, you can try to quit cold turkey. You can't quit eating food... There is no spa-like celebrity rehab center for food addicts. I think we all have our own demons to face. That said, I hope this post helps give you encouragement if you need it.

Sorry for typos!
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